"Hey Google! How To Save Our Marriage?"

 

Therapy.

Everyone has heard of therapy, or at least has some sort of idea about what it is. Back in the day, therapy was seen as something only weak people go to. Nowadays, we seem to have a shortage of therapists with how many people want to see one. (Kind of puts into perspective where we're at, huh?) What exactly is the proper definition of therapy, anyway? Well, the full name is apparently "psychotherapy," and the textbook definition of it is "the form of treatment aimed at relieving emotional distress and mental health problems" (Sussex Publishers). So, to put it lightly for those who may not be too familiar with therapy, it's something that helps other people get through hard and difficult times. The most common form of this is seeking out a professional who listens to you and gives you the best guidance and advice they can.

Now I know what you're probably thinking: "Ephraim, why in the world are we talking about therapy? I thought this blog was supposed to be you yapping about families, not mental health! Everyone is doing that already!" To that, I say do not worry, there is a reason I'm bringing this up. You see, regarding marriages and families, there is a special type of therapy that people go to called "couples therapy." I want to talk about this today because couples therapy actually plays a vital role in the survival of a lot of marriages, and not in the way that you think.

Before we go into couples therapy, we need to go over what's called systems theory. "A variety of theories fall under the general heading of systems theory, but all share certain assumptions. As applied to intimate relationships, systems theory asserts that the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole; the group has boundaries that distinguish it from other groups" (Lauer & Lauer 20). There are two types of theory that I want to talk about today that fall under this system, and that's conflict theory and symbolic interaction theory.

Let's start with conflict theory and what it is. "Conflict theory asserts that all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over scarce resources. These groups have differing and even contradictory interests, needs, and goals" (Lauer & Lauer 21). You actually see this all the time on social media. A powerful example is the gender wars that are happening on social media platforms. Men and women fight each other because of the differences they have. When you look at these fights, you see that a lot of people in these groups will bring up how things are unfair and how the other side has wronged them as a whole. I'm personally neutral on the whole thing, as my lawyer says that getting shot on the second blog isn't ideal. This is just an example of conflict theory.

Now that we went over conflict theory, let's go over symbolic theory. "Symbolic interaction theory views humans primarily as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. That is, what happens in interaction is a result not merely of what individuals bring to it but also of the interaction itself" (Lauer & Lauer 21). What this means is that people have different interpretations of actions and events. Let's say that I got punched in the arm by a friend. I might look at that experience and say to myself: "OW, that hurt! He must hate me!" That isn't an unreasonable conclusion! But the person that punched me could go: "I love this guy, this light punch to the arm shows affection! Besides, my dad does it to me!" He wouldn't be unreasonable to think that, either, based on his experiences! People have different ways of looking at things.

Now, if you're looking to fix your marriage, I recommend going to someone that has the both of you sit down in therapy together. The reason is that therapists that work with couples as a whole tend to use symbolic interaction therapy. They help couples that are struggling with each other by showing them how they both view different words, actions, and events. A lot of the time, it's just a big misunderstanding! On the other hand, those that work with couples individually tend to use conflict theory, justifying and agreeing with the way the individual perceives the other. This destroys marriages.

So, long story short, when you go to therapy due to marriage problems, go to therapy as a couple. It can determine what saves your marriage or not. With that being said, what do you guys think? Comment your thoughts!